Fourth time to prove successful?

1st Test: 13 Minors, 2 Serious (Which stank, no matter what way you choose to look at it)

2nd Test: 6 Minors, 4 Serious (Which is better, but likely equals out the same in the scheme of things)

3rd Test: 11 minors, 1 Serious (Which just makes me ever-so-slightly annoyed)

 

 

What is getting me upset is that if I could drive, I could get my own way to work without relying on the notorious country bus. The price you pay for living in an area with low levels of light pollution, (alongside my well documented complaints about having few shops and slooooooow internet which means that listening to internet radio and downloading podcasts at the same time are impossible) is that my wee neck of the woods receives only one bus to the village everyday. This bus arrives at approximately 7.30 in the morning and takes in a wild, meandering view through the countryside. I get to listen to the old guy (who is always on there) say ‘aaarp’ as I enter, listen to people confuse Political Correctness and Health and Safety (“You can even go up ladders now, thanks to Political Correctness”) and cut it fine as I get caught in traffic. The only real advantage is that I get to see the countryside as it wakes up and gets light. When you travel down to one river valley at about 7.45, you can see masses of deer. During the day, that would not happen at all.

There is also the fact that if I had a car, I would actually feel independent at the moment. My parents aren’t the kind of people to ask what I am doing every minute of the day (which is largely because they can hear me bumping around the house, or they know I will be laughing at Twilight on the internet), but it would be nice to wake up, think ‘actually, I want to go to the coast’ and just drive myself there. It would also mean that I could get to work without panicking about the fact that no traffic is moving for miles. I could take a quicker, scenic route.

Apart from having to reschedule my plans, this week has been alright for me. Work now has extended my hours so I’m working longer shifts.  This I don’t actually mind, as I am quite happy to bounce along the shop floor. I’ve also finished reading a few books, which means I need to buy more… honestly…

I hate Twilight, epic win of the theory test and other meandering thoughts about finding a Graduate job, which I should mention more often.

Number 1: Book rant.

The Post it note bravely takes a hit for the cause for good fiction...

There. I said it. I hate the Twilight saga. Call me unfeeling (as someone once did when I was talking about a terrible death scene in a BBC drama), and even say that I am not a proper lady, but I think the entire saga is drivel.

Right, so commenting on fandom is like cleaning up dog mess; you feel obligated to put  the situation right, but it stinks and can sometimes go horribly, horribly wrong. However, where would the Internet be without people using it under fake names to talk about things they don’t like?

I have my reasons for hating Twilight. The fact that it is badly written and rankles a part of part that I didn’t even know was feeling like a retro feminist is largely it. However, I am also willing to admit that I only read half of Twilight (I read a bit of the others and used my good friend Wikipedia to fill me in on any other plot developments).

My feelings towards Stephanie Meyer are also influenced by the bazillion copies of her books I sold over the Christmas period. It was incredible-just the use of her name on a book cover meant we could often not stock the book fast enough. 

So, why do I hate Twilight? I shall count the ways:

1.  The writing. Bella Swan (a name that makes me giggle and also makes me wonder as to why they did not call her ‘Flighty MacCan’ttakecareofherself’) is a poorly described character. Her entire role in the book is to write about how her arrival into a small community is the biggest news since elephants escaped from the circus. Every character that cannot kill her or doesn’t glitter is given no characterisation whatsoever. They might as well be called ‘Person to talk with No. 1& 2’
2. Self Indulgent. I may have missed a trick here, but the stories read like someone who did not enjoy High School, and thus created this fictional world to make up for her own experience. I would be surprised if there was anyone out there who didn’t wish when they were 15 that they were some kind of glamorous stranger who was way ahead on their work. I guess this, as I didn’t have a great time of my equivalent of High School either. 
3. FOR GOD’S SAKE WOMAN, GROW A SPINE!!!!!!! Dear Bella. Being clumsy so you have to be saved all the blinkin’ time does not a good character trait or plot development make. KTHXBYE x After she was almost run over by the truck, it seems to set up a relationship where Bella cannot even open a can of beans without a trip to an ICU. She doesn’t come across as naturally clumsy; she seemed to me to be suffering from an undiagnosed illness.
4. Edward. The boy you fancy is a vampire old enough to be your grandad yet still creepily hangs around a school with his ‘family’, stays in your room at night to watch you sleep and may just rip you apart during sex because he can’t contain his passion? Now that, my friends, is issues…
5. FOR GOD’S SAKE WOMAN, GROW A SPINE!!!!!!! (2) The man you fancy tells you to bugger off, otherwise you might be murdered , and you aren’t freaked out by him watching you at night and yet you still find that attractive? You then reject a nice normal man in your later books? Bella, you have issues…
6. Lack of feminism. I am a feminist who likes men. That is the best way I can describe my knowledge and ideology in a manner that reflects the various types of feminism throughout the 20th century. Linking to points 3-5, I found it insulting the manner she falls apart over Edward. Bella would be an interesting character if she had any form of emotional intelligence.
7. Realism. For god’s sake Meyer, your views on relationships are as unrealistic as those in many Disney movies. Edward is just far too perfect (and too insane) to be a real bloke. This statement is not an insult against men, who have to put up with a lot of guff from women sometimes, and I feel sorry for the boyfriends of Twilight fans. Having to compete with a fictional man who doesn’t even belch or sneeze must do your heads in.
8. Mad Fans. Seriously, if I was Meyer, I would discourage this kind of behaviour. Behaviour like this can also be summed up by this helpful game below:

 

As in many other cases when you are trolling forums, spelling does not affect your score.

 

 

I would also like to add, in case a poor soul stumbles across this and sharpens their rapier wit, I am not a snob in any shape or form towards literature. I think that things are often popular for a reason, even if I can’t figure it out. I hated Wuthering Heights with a passion that has only since been met with my passion for knitting socks, but there are lots of people out there who can figure out the appeal of a grumpy man in Yorkshire wasting his time on a bonkers lady and everyone dying of a cold. I will read anything, though having a few pictures in it does help sometimes.

Twilight is a bit of fun. However, this does not make it stand up to any amount of scrutiny.

***

Part the Second: My Theory Test.

Now I have had a bit of a lie down in a darkened room, I can tell you that I passed my Theory test today, so I now have 2 years to get around to becoming a proper driver. The test itself was alright (which is a better description than University Exams-usually known as ‘OMG!!!!!’), despite the worry that they could, in essence, ask you anything. A lot of the Theory test is common sense; if you think you should do a U-turn in the motorway if you miss your junction, you shouldn’t be out on the road. It was the Hazard perception test that annoyed me more. It gave me no mark for one section, claiming I clicked too often. I dispute that-my mind was in overdrive trying to make out every single bit of hazard as I virtually trundled down a busy road. I hope to be a proper driver by the end of the summer. My next task is to master the reverse around the corner.

***

Part… les trois? (Moi; la example as to why nous should improve le GCSE de Francais)

I notice that I haven’t done much updating on the job front (why on earth am I giggling at that? It doesn’t even sound rude). Applying for employment has finally become steady-in the past few weeks, I have found companies I actually want to apply for, and I am now getting into a rhythm of sending out application, completing forms a bit at the time, updating the CV and fielding through the mountains of emails I get from various job websites. I am also writing to people for work experience.

For once, I feel busy. It makes me feel good, and validated to finally be getting somewhere (unless I am waiting to go back to stage one again). The past couple of weeks have been empty. Having a few telephone interviews lined up makes me feel I must be something right. Hopefully. The only disappointment was that one job application I really researched was rejected yesterday. I’m getting to the conclusion that it might be the applications you spend too long trying to understand might be the ones that result in you being unsuccessful. 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Ugh…’ and other such links

This is some stuff I have been viewing for the past few days, and I figured I would share with you.

A Whole Chicken. In a Freakin’ Can!

This script and something much smaller but you need to click on Twilight to get it to run is what I imagine the movie Twilight is like.

This is the only reason why anyone buys Menthos in Europe.

The best thing Mitch Benn has ever done (out of a very consistent catalogue may I add!)

Just what I thought!

And finally,

I’m glad that the Simon’s Cat guy has made something else.

Of course, I have been looking on ‘proper’ websites, but there are some days that can only summed up by playing ‘Bejeweled’ all afternoon.